A Short Chronic Illness Mental Break
I am feeling melancholy as I watch Spring returning outside my window. One day will be sunny and chilly, while the next may be overcast with drizzling rain. The ground is becoming more green every day. I’m allergic to hickory and oak trees, so as tree pollen gets in the air I feel some symptoms.
My skin is becoming very itchy and the rashes need special treatment. Flares of rashes are annoying, especially as they often wake me in the middle of the night. My doctor has ordered a 24 urine collection to check for calcium and creatinine. He’s consulting with an endocrinologist, who is going to decide if my elevated parathyroid needs specific treatment.
Because hyperparathyroidism can be a cause of Avascular Necrosis, it’s so important to take this seriously. This is something I don’t know much about and I want to read about it. I may start seeing this new doctor out of town, but I just don’t know yet. It’s making me a little nervous.
It’s really just one more test, and I’ve had so many that I don’t know the number. I’m not a hero or anything, but after so much time, tests don’t freak me out as much. Sure, I do worry about my Meningioma because it’s in a bad location and could invade the veins around it. I also am concerned because it could be the cause of my vision problems.
My double vision is much worse, but for a lot of the day, I’m seeing pretty well. I pray a lot throughout the day and try to focus on God’s goodness and the beauty of His creation. I just wish the hungry deer around here would stop eating everything in sight.
I really try to occasionally shut down some of the noise that’s shouting at me 24/7. I spend too much time hearing noise. I do like to keep up with the latest news, because I don’t deal well with not knowing. The noisy times bother me because I have many voices shouting at the same time. I may have the tv on, social media talking to me, all while I’m trying to work on my blogs.
It’s pretty crazy to do this, but it usually happens unintentionally. To have quiet, I have to really think about it. Listening to one voice at a time is the only way to successfully communicate with a real person. Sitting around while we’re all looking at screens isn’t healthy and can lead to misunderstandings and apathy.
A doctor once told me that I don’t make dopamine. Another doctor told me that I use sugar as dopamine. Eating sugar does that, but not good for me. I have so many things wrong with me, I am usually in a state of ignoring them. It’s not really apathy, but I do enjoy the day when I’m not thinking about how sick my body is.
Even though I’m feeling severe pain, I try to put it out of my mind. I can do that a little bit, but too much of the time that pain screams loudly. When it screams I look for any handy treatments that might help. Ice packs are my go-to, but sometimes I use my handy-dandy heating pad. I look longingly at my bottle of Ibuprofen, but have only used it during horribly unstoppable pain.
Then, I imagine my poor kidneys begging me to just suffer through without that drug. My doctor finally told me that I have Chronic Kidney Disease Stage 3. I was told that once before, but then other doctors just ignored it. This doctor I found when we moved has been a blessing. He even prays with me at appointments.
I’ll try to spend the rest of the afternoon relaxing with my cuddly dog, Archie. He may be older, but he is always with me. He still follows me everywhere and sits with me. He can understand much of what I say, and I kow his movements and sounds. It’s great to have a cuddly pet!
@2026, Lisa Ehrman
Disclaimer: I’m not a medical expert. This post shares my opinions and experiences and is not meant to be taken as medical advice. If you have a medical concern, please consult your personal physician.
