I Forgot Myself
The last few days have been crazy at my house. All my adult children were dealing with a unique crisis and with each one, my body became more and more anxious. They were very stressed, and I usually absorb stress from those that I care about.
So, I automatically went into stress overdrive. My emotions were at a peak. Even though my appearance may remind people of an ice queen, inside I’m just mushy. Hubby and I do everything we can to support them and their families. We are great at letting them vent when they need to. That helps them to get more calm so that they can think straight and make better decisions.
After driving our youngest to meet his plane, I just felt like I was going crazy. I was hot and cold and flushed and nervous. I couldn’t go to sleep and my trapezius muscles were tighter than ever before (and that’s really saying a lot). I tried ice packs, heating pads, massage, Ibuprofen, and Benadryl.
I woke up this morning after about four hours of sleep and quickly ate breakfast and took all my pills. I then realized I was having deja vu very often. I didn’t recognize it last night, but that was the reason I felt so out of sync. My body felt like crap and I tried everything to make my body relax.
Then, I realized what started all of this misery. The last three days I have missed quite a few doses of medications. My lunch pills and sometimes supper pills had been forgotten. There were too many distractions and worries to keep me off of my routine. This isn’t the first time that this has happened to me, but it has been a while.
When people around me are hurting or stressed, I tend to put their needs first. That’s not bad, as long as I take care of myself, too. I wasn’t even noticing how my body was changing. I’ve had two doses of my medicines. I’m already staring to feel more normal and the evening doses will probably have me feeling my “normal” again.
I don’t like taking all the medications I have. I’ve been wanting to try and reduce my dosage of Gabapentin. It doesn’t decrease my pain, but I’ve been prescribed it for small fiber neuropathy. It works wonders for that condition. After I got to my present dose I realized that it stopped all my deja vu, which had previously become a chronic problem.
The deja vu I experience are creepy feelings of re-experiencing events from long ago. I am so glad to be rid of them, because they totally ruin my life. It’s something that is random and I wish that I could be rid of it without Gabapentin, but haven’t been able to yet.
After being in the car over 5 hours yesterday, and feeling so bad, I am taking the entire day off. I’m trying to not think of anything negative. In it’s place, I am praying for all the needs of my family. I’m so thankful that God can give me the inner peace that says, “you’ll get through this, because I Am with you.”
Are you stressed out today? After the holidays you may also be worn out. I hope that living with chronic illness doesn’t cause you to feel out-of-control or have new or worsening symptoms. If you can, just take time out and recover. With my chronic illnesses, I often feel like every day is an extreme athletic event that takes all my energy and concentration.
Athletes have to recover after a marathon or game. If they don’t they will become weak and prone to injury. I don’t have a personal trainer, but over time I have learned what to do when I’ve crashed. Please take care of yourself, physically and emotionally. If you pray, ask God to help you. He always listens.
“but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint” (NIV). Isaiah 40:31@2026, copyright Lisa Ehrman
Disclaimer: I’m not a medical expert. This post contains my experiences and opinions and is not meant to be taken as medical advice. If you have a medical concern, please consult your personal physician.
