When I Am Weak
Stress in my life, including stress of constant pain, has really made it hard for me to function this week. Disappointment that comes from sad circumstances, a terrible flare, and loss of hope for a physical improvement has meant that I’m fighting depression.
Depression is so common in chronic illness. We deal with so much physical pain, emotional distress, and worry, that depression is naturally going to be in our path. Sometimes, when it all crashes it’s rough and I have to just work my way through it and trust God to be with me.
Over the last number of months, I was working very hard to get my home just the way I wanted it, after moving. I don’t mean spending thousands in renovations. I just mean that I want the home to have a certain feeling, which will help me to relax. My goal of a grandma home, has been churning inside me for six years.
The holidays were going to be the deadline, even though I knew everything might not be the way I wanted. Hubby and I were working night and day to finish. So many things were laying around just waiting to be hung on the walls. He and I are not strong, and we couldn’t hurry like we used to.
A week before Thanksgiving I found out that family and grandkids weren’t going to come. Between this sad news, I was also dealing with much more wrist pain, ankle pain, headaches, and more of my usual pain. I’ve been told not to even take Ibuprofen, which is the only OTC thing I have. Taking it at least takes the edge off, so that I don’t feel nuts.
I’ve been brave until a few days ago. Because of the emotional stress, my physical pain increased. Ice and heat just weren’t helping anymore. My tens unit is worth more trouble than it’s worth and Hubby is much too tired to rub my back. I broke down and took about 3 Ibuprofen each day for the last 3 days. Because there is no other option, I took it and it’s allowed me to physically function a little.
My emotions are not in a good place and I know that this causes me to feel paralyzed. I haven’t been accomplishing anything and Thanksgiving day is almost here. I love (or did in the past) cooking a big dinner from scratch, but now it’s just a dread.
My new kitchen stool will help a little, but cooking causes my internal heat sensors to go nuts. I get so hot and sweat too much, which makes me miserable. I usually have to turn the AC on, even in the winter. I’ll also have fans pointed at me. It looks ridiculous. I always want to look nice, but end up wearing something that isn’t festive at all.
With my pain and dread, I’ve been focusing on it and feeling sorry for myself. I let all my pain cause me to feel like a failure. Do you always put unrealistic expectations on yourself? My weakness often shows itself as feeling like I’m not enough which goes along with waiting to be happy until everything is just “right”.
It’s really a foolish way to think, but this is one of my weaknesses. When I’m thinking properly I work to stay in the moment, or at least try to enjoy the good things in each day. Sometimes it feels impossible. The Bible says, ‘when I am weak, then I am strong’. II Cor. 12:9-11
That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
This is referring to the way I should feel. When I admit my weakness, I then must be aware that God is my only strength. When I give in and put all my dependence on Him, then He can make me strong. Of course, this doesn’t mean that my physical pain will end. But, my spiritual self will be lifted higher and I will feel the inner strength that can get me through sad or painful times.
I hope that we can all have a Thanksgiving that brings us joy and happiness. We might have to fight a little harder, pushing through the sadness, but we can come out the other side. To truly be content on Thursday, I will need to ask God to make me strong, putting all my worries on Him.
God bless you on Thanksgiving!
@2025, copyright Lisa Ehrman
Disclaimer: I’m not a medical expert. This post contains my opinions and experiences and is not meant to be taken as medical advice. If you have a medical concern, please consult your personal physician.
